so i guess this is me coming back?? maybe??
look there’s not much to say. school has been overwhelming. life in general has been overwhelming. the one positive is that i’ve met some people this year who have absolutely changed my life, and i wouldn’t know where i am without them. with that exception, 2021? no thank you.
it’s been a little over three months since i’ve posted something. i’ve opened wordpress maybe three times. gotten 100 words into a post twice, before abandoning it. i don’t know what it is, but i think i’m ready to come back to this. i wouldn’t be surprised if everyone has gone. left. if you haven’t, hi. i love you. if you did, that’s okay too. i’ll build back up again. audience drives me, but what really matters to me is reading and talking about books.
and that brings me to my next point. i have read near nothing this year. in may i read like 10 pages of one book and 90 of another. that’s the first time i haven’t read a book in a month since…. well, since i started reading. it’s not like i haven’t had time. i have, although significantly less than what i used to. i just spend it differently. wasting time by watching tv. not wasting time by seeing friends, now that covid cases have lessened where i live (ironic for me to say right now though). something i have really loved about this year is the people, and how they’re shaping my life in a way covid prevented in 2020.
the point is i’m not exactly a model person right now. less than desirable mental health, not a good blogger, a trying and failing daughter and friend. i miss last year for so many reasons, and i am genuinely convinced that stopping reading is at least half the reason for my increasing anxiety and worsening mental state. i promise i’m doing okay, despite what i say sometimes, and okay is enough for now.
getting back on track. i’m good at digressions, i always have been. i’m sure you’re all used to that. i’m ready to come back to blogging. i get time off school in under a month, and i’m going to be productive. i’m going to do something before then, going to make something of this. i’ve still got it. i know i do.
thanks for sticking around. something is coming, i promise.
but for now. i’m going to go read darius the great is not okay for the fifth time to kick off pride month, and hopefully a month that’s less sad for me. (ironic book choice for it, but also very fitting.). if all i read this month are books i’ve already read, that’s okay. comfort is important, and i’m desperately in need.
blogging was that comfort for me last year. i spent a year posting so much, mostly to escape the pandemic. to connect where i couldn’t in my life off screen. i’m ready to connect again. i spent a summer and four months connecting with people i missed so much, and meeting people i now know mean more than others i thought would be in my life forever.
it’s been a few months of growth, and i don’t know how to feel about that. growth everywhere i didn’t think it would ever happen. i wrote more poetry, wrote love letters, wrote texts longer than i thought was possible, wrote letters to people that never got to read them, wrote instagram captions, wrote like i used to on here, except i was writing about my experiences, not books. i got to live the life i read about. still am. there’s been moments i feel like i’m on top of the world, about to star in my own damn film. there’s been days where all i’ve wanted to do is cry, too. i got through them both. the sun still rose.
this post is a bit of a mess. back to my old habits of not proofing anything. there’s nothing too scandalous in here. just my truth. i missed this. as much as i hate the new wordpress editor, i’ll live.
it feels good to be back. doing this. i can’t wait to keep doing it. now go out and live your life. hopefully you’ll see me in a few days. or weeks. or maybe it’ll be another few months, but whatever. i hope you’ve all been well, and tell me how you’ve been!! i missed you all. a lot.
love, rhi ❤
p.s. stop making this hurt (just say goodbye like you mean it) was the original title of this post but i thought it would make this whole post seem like a late april fools joke so no, i promise i am coming back, not saying goodbye. but stream bleachers’ new song and i’ve been listening to some of their music far too much. i really really love the mtv unplugged version of dttm (with lorde) and right now i also love everybody lost somebody but just go stream everything i love it ahhhh
p.p.s. expect more posts like this. and also, i was rereading this post recently and i remember how much fun i had writing it and how much i loved it so that’s probably going to be how i write?? maybe? idk i’ll figure it out. still learning and growing, remember?
p.p.p.s ok ok ok also tell me what music you’ve been listening to in the comments because i have been listening to a lot of sour and i have no regrets (yes that’s where the title comes from i adore brutal)